Brain Dump Friday

I’ve had a lot to say this week, but no place to start. I need a place to start. The happiest and nicest thing I’ve heard all week was when I walked into a room unexpectedly (to the person in that room) and they said, “I was just thinking about you and your polka dot mixer. Really, not even ten minutes ago.”. What a delightful greeting! I think I’m going to tell people more often when I think about them. It’s nice to be thought of. I’m working on my book again, but only in my head. I named the main characters Mitch and Aimee. I couldn’t figure out why I chose those names, they just came to me, and I thought that was some sort of proof that I should write. You know, like a sign. It’s not a sign. It’s my subconscious. “Mitch and Amy” is a book I read in the third grade. Sigh. Someone asked me why I obsess over things. That’s like asking me why my hair is brown. I don’t like to think of it as “obsessing”. Instead, I like to think of it as “preparedness”. What if I do have a tumor in my right arm? Well, when the doctor says it’s nothing, that’s awesome. If the doctor says it’s a tumor, then I’m prepared. What if it’s a tracking device? I doubt anyone cares enough to want to know my every move, but in my head I’m quite awesome and popular, so…maybe. (I will say…they must be pretty bored) What if I wake up one day and every single hair on my head had turned gray overnight? Well, it probably won’t, but if it does, I won’t be shocked. You see, there’s a difference between prepared and obsessed. I prefer to think that I’m not crazy, so I call it prepared. (I do have a weird bump under the skin on the inside of my right wrist, and I’m really, really “prepared” about it) I will say this obsession, I mean preparation, skill that I have does actually prepare me for bad news. It’s that thing where everyone thinks I’m cool and collected and calm, when inside I’m totally freaking out, but outside I look unaffected. That’s preparation. It’s how the doctor can say words like “Your mom has cancer”, and I’m still able to function…you know, the walking and talking and remembering to breathe? I had thought of everything I could think of that he might say, and then when he said what he said, I was as ready as I could be for it. So, call it obsessed if you like, but I will keep doing it. It’s who I am. It’s how I deal with life. (And now I’ve done it too much with this topic) Probably the biggest pet peeve I have is license plate stickers. People who put them around the plate like some sort of collection. They all go in the same place. One on top of the last. I almost get turrets when I see that. I will, literally, yell out “Idiot!” at whomever has done this. Really, you need a new license plate. You’ve ruined this one. I love having Riesens on my desk. You know, the chocolate carmel candies in the brown wrappers? I giggle every time someone comes in and asks for one. And then I come up with an awesome reason…bahahahaha! It’s just a play on words, but I love it. Currently, I’m all out of Riesens. Maybe this means I can do anything I want with no need for justification. Yeah, let’s go with that. :/  I’ve been melancholy most of the week. Not sure exactly why. Probably mostly stress. (See what I did there? Two -LY words. Because I wanted to) I won’t get into all the things that are stressing me out…I just need to learn to let go again. I think the stress comes into play when I’m holding on too tightly. Regret is stressful. Frustration is stressful. Worry is stressful. I’ve been upset because things that mean something to me meant nothing to someone else, and they were left behind in order to “save” things that turn out to be nearly worthless. The things that were saved, were saved because they were thought to be so valuable. But really they’re not. Not to me. Not to anyone else. The things that were lost, that are now wasting away at the bottom of a landfill somewhere, those things were more valuable and meaningful to me than anything else. They are lost forever. I have had a hard time letting that go this week. This has made me sad. I have lost my focus this week. I will work very hard to get it back. I need it. I need to have a plan, and to have lists, and it’s when I lose sight of those things, the little steps that get me through the day, that my world turns gray. I need to stay in the bright and shiny places. Maybe it’s because there’s currently no dessert in our house. That must be it. That is all.

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