“Tonight’s top stories:
Christmas massacre – the deadly rampage through a small Iowa town. At least three known dead and police hot on the trail of the deadly “Blow-Up Bandits”. Who are these monsters? Are any of our yards safe?
Also, even more startling… It’s December 7th, and the grass in Iowa is still green. Some say it’s proof of the coming apocalypse. Some say it’s global warming. We’ll have our experts weigh in and you decide, tonight at 10, on the channel eleventy news.”
NOTE: Sometimes when I see things, I make up imaginary news stories in my head. This was one of those times.
BTW, your yard is totally safe if you don’t have this blow up
crap decor in it.