One of my favorite movies is Must Love Dogs. I don’t even like dogs, but I love this movie. I watched it about two weeks ago. One of these days I’m going to have to watch Doctor Zhivago. I can’t believe I spelled that right the first time I tried. I heard on the radio this morning that a list of students’ GPA’s was released at a college or university to the entire student body recently, and now the school is sending out an apology, and offering counseling to all those affected by this incredible tragedy. *sarcasm* Seriously? Counseling? I could see some tutoring for the student ashamed of their horrid grades or struggling in some way, but counseling? For what? For the trauma of a few people in this great big, people-filled world knowing what your grades are? Is that really necessary? If you are so damaged and broken that you can’t handle someone else knowing your GPA, then you shouldn’t be away at school. You should be in your crib, at home, with a pacifier to shut your whiney little mouth. If you’re embarrassed, do better. If you’re ashamed, try harder. Here’s the deal: I need counseling…you do not. *end rant* Today is another quarterly appointment for Jessup to go to the doctor. This time is all the appointments (except G.I.)…asthma, allergies (since Spring is around the corner-I hope), and Alpha-1, plus Pulmonary Function Testing. Sometime, later this year, we will do the chest x-rays to see the progress of this awful disease…I am so afraid. I missed Bible Study last night. I was on the couch for many hours yesterday, in such pain I was nearly unable to move. I took three times the allotted dosage of one medicine for a 12-hour period of time, and then took a different medicine after that. My liver survived the night, but my stomach has been burning all morning. It was better after some breakfast, and a little milk. I’m pretty sure there’s probably a hole in my stomach and the acid will be burning a hole through my skin any minute. You’ll be able to find me today…I’ll be the human sprinkler system. I know I did a bad thing. You don’t have to tell me. I knew it, and I did it anyway, because I wanted to feel better. (That must be what it’s like for addicts) I cannot wait for our insurance to kick in so I can get this taken care of, once and for all. We have it, just needing a letter from the old one to say we had it until January 31. New insurance is valid from February 1st. I am just being overly cautious. However…another day like yesterday, and the appointment will be made. With or without the letter. Sorry for being gross. That is all.
I have thought all day that today is Saturday. Imagine my surprise when I realized that it was Friday. (Thanksgiving week always throws me out of whack!) You should be putting together by now that I don’t participate in Black Friday. Also: When I put those two words together on my phone, it automatically capitalizes them. It does the same thing when I tell people that I live in a white house. It capitalizes White House. I would like to think that my phone would be smart enough to know that I don’t live in the White House. I appreciate the thought that it thinks I’m that important, but seriously… Egg nog is too thick. I like milk nog. It’s not as thick, and it seems less rich. In non-Vicki terms, that means no tummy ache. My middle ring finger size has gone down a whole size. I think all my fingers have. That’s a weird thing to be happy about, but I’m thrilled. Except for the fact that I have these really cool rings, purchased to fit certain fingers, and now they are big. What a happy dilemma. I’m totally ok with this. I caught another glimpse of my collar bone this week. (Not the actual bone, just the line of it. It’s still happily resting under my skin.) The last time I saw it, someone made a remark, so I though I should be more clear. The Walking Dead is kind of freaking me out. Jessup and I are watching it together…preparing for the zombie apocalypse, and it is giving me the heeby-geebies. Thanksgiving was great! I hope you are all thankful for the gifts and people you’ve been blessed with. This morning I had to swallow my pride…that, my friend, is a bitter pill that does not go down easily. It’s always a blessing to remember that you’re not as awesome and important as you think you are. …at least for me it is. That is all.
Today is Jessup’s appointment with his pulmonologist. I always get so nervous for these appointments. You wouldn’t know it to look at me, but I’m really scared each time we do this. So, four times per year, I’m scared. Well, more than that, but these four times are scheduled events.
Someday I will write all the terrible details of these visits, and the sadness and fear that has entered my life due to them. For now, I will admit that these appointments typically go well. Surprisingly well. I have no reason to believe that this one will be different, but still I sit here, scared.
One of these days, the news will be bad. It won’t be an easy appointment. It will be sad. It will be filled with tears. It will be the beginning, no, the continuation, of something that began many years ago. April 11, 2007 to be exact. That was one of the worst days of my life. There was a diagnosis. We were told there is no cure. No medicine that we can give him. As many miracles as there are for so many people, there is none yet for us. No pill to take. No shot to give. There are unproven preventative measures, but nothing more.
So we continue on with the preventative measures his doctor feels are best, and we hope. Pray. Cross our fingers. Do a juju dance. Whatever works. Whatever makes us feel better.
Today Jessup drove. From home to the mall, which is where I sit, typing this. I’m not nervous with him driving, but I have a hard time not telling him to do things my way. He is very safe. He has his own way of doing everything, but he’s very cautious. He must learn to navigate the city, and the middle of the day on a Tuesday is better than any other time I could think of. Soon enough, he will be doing this on his own. Soon enough, he will be hearing the bad news without us. Soon enough, it will just be a phone call with the news that his lungs are badly scarred and possibly failing. Soon enough there could be a lot of scary possibilities.
For now we visit the doctor every quarter year, and hope for the best.
I can not remember if I took my medicine this morning. I always roll out of bed and take it before I do anything else…that way I know I did it. This morning I was in a sleep and Irritation-induced haze, and I cannot remember. I can’t take it now because if I already took it, that would be bad. 40mg of Adderall running through me would probably not be a good thing. I was irritated because I was awakened an hour before the time necessary to take the kids to school. I was then informed that I said “just last night” that I need about an hour in the morning to wake up before I’m ready for humanity, so this person thought they should get me up early. I growled something back at them, and then heard them mumble as they walked down the hall, “Maybe I should’ve gotten you up earlier”. At the time that was not funny. Now I see how this person, this wonderful, giving, awesome human being, could only be my kid. I’m not a morning person. (reason #742 why we don’t have a dog) Our home has a warm side and a cool side. The cool side is where I sleep. The warm side is where I work. If only I could remember that when I get up. Every morning I get dressed on the cool side. Sweats, tank top, sweatshirt, socks, slippers. I then go down and across the hall where I proceed to take off slippers, socks, sweatshirt, and then eventually go change into my capri yoga pants. Why does this happen? Why can’t I remember? The temperature difference is significant. Probably a 5-8 degree difference. Crazy. I half-cleaned my office yesterday. (Maybe that sounds like I didn’t try or I did a bad job…I did a good job, I’m only half finished) I listen to a teleconference every Tuesday and Thursday for work, and while that was playing yesterday I started to clean my office. I cleaned off a shelf, moved books from one bookshelf to the other, moved work stuff to the closer bookshelf, cleaned out a bunch of drawers and filled them with things that would be useful rather than things that don’t have a place, and cleaned out my favorite chair (which contained three sweaters, a robe, a long-sleeved shirt, two sweatshirts, several pairs of socks, my old slippers, my newer slippers, and some Reese’s peanut butter ‘big cups’-which have yet to be eaten, even though I squealed when I found them). Did I mention that my office is warm? Today I must finish, otherwise my progress will be unnoticeable very soon. Is “synced” a word? It doesn’t sound right. I ask because I was going to mention that the last song I bought on iTunes was one that my son already bought on iTunes, and that if I had just synced my phone with the old computer, I would have had it for free. But I didn’t know if synced was a word, and I don’t want to sound like an idiot, so maybe I won’t mention it. You know how a word can sound right or wrong, and you just can’t tell. You could google it, but that’s a lot of work (no it’s not, I’m just that lazy today), so you ask the five people who read your blog, and most likely none of them will answer, but you’re going to forget about it now anyway because you asked the question, so it will be out of your mind. I thought about live-blogging what I found in my desk when I cleaned it out today, but that would be dull for you. There are some pretty interesting things in/on here though. Maybe I’ll do a “Cliffs Notes” version. Is it Cliffs Notes, or Cliff Notes? I always say it with the “s”. I think that’s right. Again…Google is hard. Who is Cliff? Why do we care about his notes? (They did help me out in high school, though) *ashamed* CONFESSION: American Literature…there was a book I didn’t read. I’ll say I did, because whomever this Cliff person is, he takes good notes…but I didn’t read it. Got a “B” on the paper I had to write. I read chunks of the book, because I needed some references that came out of the book (so it would seem as though I read it). It was one of those books that they say “everybody should read this book because it’s such a classic piece of American Literature”, but I still never read it. I should have just read the book…I’m pretty paranoid about certain things so, in order to not get caught using Cliffs Notes (I’ve decided I like the “s”), I read so much of the book that, in the end, it would’ve just made sense to read the whole book. Too bad they didn’t have audio books back then. I would have totally read every book in high school if there were audio versions. (If there were, don’t tell me…but I don’t think there were.) I started a sentence up there somewhere with “but”…I apologize. I mean, I do what I want, but I do know the rules, and that was an unnecessary thing to do. If I weren’t so lazy today, I’d go fix it. Instead, I’ll just type out all these words about it, which will take up more time, but then you’ll know that I know that I was wrong. More importantly, I’ll know that you know that I know I was wrong. Jessup bought me a donut this morning…isn’t he sweet? I think the Sleepytime tea most of us drank last night actually helped. Also…Jessup is in a musical this weekend, and I’m so excited! Bye Bye Birdie!!! YAY! Can you imagine how many cassette tapes it would have taken for an audio book? Maybe it’s not as many as I think, but you’d at least have had to have one of those case thing-y’s for it. How fun would that have been to haul around? You’d need a boom box to listen to the tapes, those giant head phones that they had back then (which have made some kind of strange, rapid reappearance, and it really only makes people look like they’re wearing earmuffs), a case of cassettes to listen to…and then a cell phone that was so big it had to go inside a briefcase…you’re hands would be full all the time. (I know there were Walkman’s back then…) Should I have put those two “ly” words together? Meh, I do what I want. I’m thirsty. That is all.
Here we are again…Friday. I lost my voice yesterday. It’s back just enough for me to go to work today…which is good because work is ALL talking. I was really nervous about it. My medicine for this “condition” is blue. Blue medicine. I thought that was weird. If blue had a flavor, and it’s the flavor of this medicine, then blue is not tasty. Wouldn’t it be cool if colors had flavors? Of course, how would you eat a color? I guess you could eat a crayon. But those all taste the same and that’s not a good taste. I know this from experience. Not recent experience. Of course, if it were recent, I wouldn’t tell you, but it’s not. Trust me. (I’m not a politician, so you can trust me) Maybe, if all crayons taste the same, then all colors taste the same. I would be disappointed if that were the case. If they didn’t, then Orange, Green, and Purple would have to taste like a combination of the others, right? Orange couldn’t taste like oranges…it would have to be more like Strawberry-Banana, right? Green would be a Blueberry-Lemon, and Purple would be Blue-Raspberry. But…oh, forget it. This could go on for days. Do they still make blue m&m’s? I don’t know, I don’t eat m&m’s. I know that they all taste the same…people tell me about it and tease me every time I say I don’t eat red m&m’s. I don’t. Even though they all taste the same, I’m still not going to eat the red ones. I just don’t know if they still make blue. I miss the light brown ones. Did blue replace them? That would make sense. (None of this does, but that would) My email on my phone doesn’t work. This irritates me. I updated, and now things aren’t working properly. I have 174 emails to read. I don’t like reading email on the computer. I can’t think of what else isn’t working properly, but something else I use all the time isn’t working. You’d think I’d know…oh well. Cheetos make a twisted puff cheeto now. Every time I look at them, I think of a corkscrew. That makes me think of wine. I don’t think Cheetos and wine would go together. Would you eat them with red or white? Either way, probably not tasty. My son turned 17 on Wednesday. WOW! 17. hmmm. That doesn’t make me feel old, but my daughter is about to turn 14…and that makes me feel very old. Is it because she’s the baby? Is it because I loved being pregnant and I haven’t gotten to experience that for nearly 14 years? Maybe. *shrugs* 14 and 17… Do you ever find yourself not breathing? The other day, I took a breath, and it felt like I’d been holding my breath. Like that was the first one in a long time. It’s probably just me. Anyway, I’m still breathing. I think it would be terrible if someone were licking you and then you sneezed right in their face. (That just happened between the cats) He was giving her a bath and she sneezed (rather violently) in his face. He just sort of stared at her. Then she left and he took her warm spot in my Grandmother’s chair. Cats are weird. I wish I understood them, and knew what they were saying to each other. It’s a very strange dynamic. If I go by just what I see, then he’s very domineering to her and she might actually classify as abused. Maybe she’s just overly submissive. I don’t know. OH! I remember what else isn’t working on my phone. My video camera isn’t working properly. I have found that it takes the video, but it doesn’t look like it is, and there’s no way to stop it except to exit. I have a few pieces of Jessup’s orchestra concert now…but I don’t have any full videos. I haven’t been able to find help for it, so I guess I just deal with it. Also…my camera crashes. I open it and then it closes by itself, or it closes when I hit the button to take that crucial picture. (Like any picture I take is really crucial…you’ve probably seen some of them so you know, it’s not life or death) That is all.
My son, Jessup, and his beautiful date at the Homecoming Dance. 29 September 2012.
I hope I’m never famous for being dorky. I mean, I am dorky, I just hope I’m never famous for it. It would be awesome to be famous…for about a week. Then I think I’d be done with it completely. Part of the reason I started my own business with The Pampered Chef is because they appreciate the polka dot. It is a thing, and if you’re not on the bandwagon, you’re out of luck. (OK, I didn’t really sign up because of that, but they do have several things that are polka dot, and I love them all. In fact, there is FREE thing on it way to me right now…and it’s polka dot! I love that I have to do so little to be recognized and appreciated!) Last night Jessup and I were sitting in the car for a few moments after I pulled into the garage, and suddenly someone came up behind the car, slammed into it, and yelled, “BLLLLAAAAAAAHHHHHH!” I jumped and screamed, and Jessup did something that shocked me. He threw open the door, leaped from the passenger seat, and threw his cup of Pepsi (which I consumed most of while he was watching a movie at the high school) directly at
the perpetrator Barry. Jessup hit him right in the face and the lid to the cup blew off and ice and Pepsi covered him. Then I started to cry, and I was shaking so bad. I did not appreciate being scared. It seems as though I take the brunt of the scaring. I scare Barry (only once when we were dating), and his Navy and self-defense training kick in, and before I know it I’m flat on the floor. He scares me, I almost pee my pants and then cry. I don’t think I can win this one. Barry’s punishment was not only to be sticky, but to carry in my gigantic bag of products and supplies, and then help me wash them. I couldn’t believe Jessup’s bravery and accuracy in the face of what could’ve been actual danger! I’m really overwhelmed. He jumped up and tried to save me. Look out attackers! (I think he thinks I’m going to keep giving him icy sodas…just in case he has to defend himself. Or me. That’s not going to happen. We are a nearly soda-free family.) FYI: if you get mugged, you’ll want Jessup and a soda nearby. If you have me, you better hope for an OCD, germ-a-phobe, who can’t stand pee…or a crying girl. I miss my first job. Just one part of it, really. This guy and I paired up early on to “perform” for the kids who would come in really early. (I worked at Discovery Zone) His name was Ali, which the kids loved because of Aladdin. Anyway, we would put a soundtrack into the system first thing in the morning and do a “show” near (sometimes in) the ball pits. Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, Rescuers Down Under, Beauty and the Beast. We would sing and dance along with the music. There weren’t very many kids in the place yet, and it was still pretty quiet. We’d recite the words and sing the lyrics word for word, and we just had the best time. One day I sang all the boy parts and he sang all the girl parts. It was a fun job. I don’t think I’d like it now, but I remember loving it back then. I’ve only been hired “on the spot” for two jobs, and that was the first. Both of those jobs were awesome and fun experiences. Both jobs taught me a lot. Neither job gave me polka dot things for free. :( I just realized that I was sort-of famous for my “shows” at DZ…and those were dorky. It doesn’t count though. Pre-school famous, isn’t really famous. Unless you’re Thomas, the Teletubbies, or Barney. And all of those are too dorky for me. That is all. #BrainDumpFriday