Brain Dump Friday – Favorite Songs List Edition

Tonight, I was asked a couple of awkward questions. Questions that none of you would want to answer. You don’t even want to know what they were. I was blunt. I stuttered, but I got through it. Because I’m the Momma. Also because I don’t want her to Google it. Unrelated: I love end of the world movies. I prefaced that because for reasons. (I said it that way on purpose-because I think it’s cute. I shouldn’t have to explain that to you, but I felt compelled. Probably so you don’t think I’m an idiot.) I’ve been making CD’s. Sort-of like mix-tapes, but updated to 2003. I’m really current like that. Anyway, I made a CD of my favorite songs for a friend of mine. It’s not all my favorite songs…just some of them. Only about 20. I finally got all my music transferred over to my MacBook. It only took 14 months for me to get around to it. It didn’t take too long. What I mean is…it took forever for me to get around to it…not too long to actually do it. I was actually surprised. It took hours to get the songs off the ancient laptop (a PC) that we have, and only about 45 minutes to get them all loaded onto my MacBook. I might list the songs I chose for her at the end of this. If I remember. I might not. I’m forgetful. I’m also watching an end of the world movie. I always wanted to witness a NASA shuttle take-off. It’s on my bucket list. It will probably never happen now. What a bummer. I should make a mix-CD of the Christmas songs I love. I have to apologize for how weird and dull this is. My husband makes the best pasta bake that I’ve ever tasted. We had it for supper. I love Morgan Freeman. He’s so fantastic. Have you ever laughed when you received bad news? I found a new color of nail polish. It’s from Essie. It’s called “She’s Pampered”. I thought that was cute. And appropriate. That is all. Except it’s not. A car got pulled over in front of our house earlier. It looked like some sort of wonky Christmas display for about 10 minutes. Now it’s over. That is all. Except for the list of songs. So, I guess that’s still not all. But, after the list of songs (and maybe a little explanation)…that. is. all. Really.

Be Still, My Soul-Shaun Barrowes/I Won’t Give Up-Jason Mraz/If I Should Fall Behind-Bruce Springsteen/In My Life-Johnny Cash/In The End-Linkin Park/Let It Be Me-Ray LaMontagne/Little Wonders-Rob Thomas/Love Land-Martina McBride/The Luckiest-Ben Folds/Meant To Live-Switchfoot/Monster-Skillet/Perfect-Alanis Morissette/Quiet My Heart-Brooke Barrettsmith/Seat Next To You-Bon Jovi/Stealing Kisses-Lori McKenna/Still-Tim McGraw/These Days-Foo Fighters/This Never Happened Before-Paul McCartney/Unknown-Chely Wright/Where I Stood-Missy Higgins/World Spins Madly On-The Weepies

The first song…maybe the greatest version of that song ever. It’s not on iTunes, I have no idea where I got it. A couple of the songs were covered by Faith Hill. I prefer the originals. I wrote a story several years ago based on one of the songs. Maybe I’ll put it here sometime. A couple of these songs hit so close to home for me that I can barely listen to them. A couple are almost biographical. Brooke Barrettsmith should have had a longer career. Shame on whomever did not make that happen. There are a lot (and I mean A LOT) of songs missing from this list. You can only fit so many on a CD. Maybe giving someone a flash drive of your favorite songs will become a thing. Until then…the list has to be short. Someday I might Brain Dump a list of my favorite songs. (…and you thought this was a long Brain Dump)

That. Really. Is. All.

Things Hoped For

There are a lot of things I hope for.

Things I want to own. Some sensible, some not so much. Some purely vain and materialistic, but I still hope to have them. I’m not typically a vain or materialistic person. I quite sensible in most things, which is why when I ask for something off the charts for Mother’s Day, it’s met with, “You want WHAT?” I don’t believe that gifts should always have a sensible purpose. I don’t want a blender for Mother’s Day just because our household needs a blender. You can buy a blender on Tuesday. I want XYZ instead. I got XYZ. I love it. I’m happy with it. I am not now, nor will I ever be ashamed of it. I’ve wanted it since I was 16, and I finally got it. Achievement unlocked.

There are places I hope to see. Places I hope to see for the first time, and places I hope to see again. Places I didn’t truly appreciate the first time. Places my dad always wanted to take me, and never got the chance. I don’t know if it would be important to anyone else for me to see those places, but I like to think that if he somehow were able to follow me, to know what’s going on in my life, that he’d appreciate me seeing them. It doesn’t really matter to me if anyone else understands. I do.

There are people I’d like to meet. People I know and love and would very much like to see again. Even if only for an hour or two. Even if only to see from afar. There are people I’d like to spend hours with picking their brains, and learning from them. People that used to live here and have moved. Maybe I was the one who moved. Either way, we’re apart, and I’d like us not to be. There are people that live near me now, and I don’t make the effort. Why? Will I regret it when they’re gone? Probably. There are people for whom I would drive a thousand miles just to say HI…

As of yesterday, I have completed the first part of my (somewhat over-thought) Bucket List. I say first part, because I have it all written down now. The second part is to create a chart listing places to go (Country, City, Landmark, etc.). For example: I don’t want to get to California and miss seeing the sunrise over the ocean, miss taking a whale-watching tour, or miss In-n-Out Burger (that is an extremely unlikely thing, but I do forget things). So I will have it listed out according to large place, smaller place, main thing to do there. Kind of like my own (OK, I admit, supremely over-thought) filing system. I haven’t quite worked out all the details, that’s why I’m still on the first part.

I hate that title, “Bucket List”, but I’ve been unable to come up with a better title that doesn’t include the word “DIE” in it, and Google was no help, unless I want to call it “Beverly’s Bucket List”. (I think Google missed what I was going for)

So far there are approximately 550 entries.

That is a lot of things to want to do/see/experience/eat/drink/whatever.

There are a few I have already completed. They’ve been on the mental list for quite a long time (like my Mother’s Day present) and I felt it was right to include them. And then to check them off. I put the date, any people I did it with, and where I was, if the item is not a location. For example: Ride an elephant. Summer 1988. San Diego Zoo. With Suzy G. (See also: Ride a camel)

I’ve been gathering ideas for quite a while now. Making a mental note, or jotting something down. I was able to throw away quite a lot of little pieces of paper.

What I’m trying to get at is this:

I have dreams. I have goals. I have a lot to accomplish. So much, that I may need to ask for more time on the earth to get it all done. Some are very costly. Most are almost or totally free. They just involve being in the right place at the right time. For many there are several things I can do once I get to a general location. Several birds, one stone.

I saw something this morning that read, “97% of what you worry about never happens”.

That’s good news for the times when I hear creaks in the night, or hear a door close when I’m home alone and in the shower. What about the times when my kids are out and it’s getting dark, or I’m watching my son at a track meet and some strange, creepy guy walks up to my daughter while she’s closer to the fence than I am so she can see her brother run? (I got to her very quickly, and the guy literally ran away-after I got up in his face and snapped a picture of him, just in case.) If I could worry less about that stuff, it would be great. I won’t, of course…

Then I thought, “What about the stuff I hope for? How much of that is never going to happen? What about all the dreams and goals and wishes and hopes I have?”

97% of anything is a lot. Almost all.

If this is the case for my Bucket List, then that means that 533.5 of those things will never be done. Goals I will never accomplish. Feats never attained.

It means there are only about 17 things that I will actually accomplish.

If I were to narrow that list down to 17 things, what would they be?

What are the most important things on my list? Should thoseĀ things be the most important? Why or why not?

How do I narrow it down?

I won’t, of course, it just made me think.

I just counted the things I’ve done. I have already completed 36 of the things on my list.

Maybe I’m ahead of the game.

Maybe I’m not going to do anything else.

Maybe hopes and fears are very different, and I’m foolish to even correlate the two.

Hopefully I’m just getting started.