This Is NOT An “End Of Year” Letter. It’s A Brain Dump. About The Year. Since We Are At The End Of It.

Sometimes I think about writing a Holiday/End Of Year letter. You know, like lots of families do…kind-of recapping the year, and talking about how everyone is awesome and things are great! Then I think about this…This year has been one of the hardest years I’ve ever had. Full of pain, sacrifice, and loss. Full of joys, good memories, and a few realized dreams. You should go back and swap those…do the happy one first. The next year is starting out hard, but with some faith, a little perseverance, and some more sacrificing, it should be better at the end than at the beginning. I’m looking forward to that. I am really mad at the Mayans. How dare they be wrong! To get me everyone all riled up and worried for no reason. Thank God I didn’t get that bomb shelter I wanted to put in the back yard…or all those treadmills to ward off the zombies in the zombie apocalypse. I was We were so close to over-reacting! This year saw Jessup getting his permit and license, and his first two jobs (at the same time-literally within a day of each other). Ainsley has a job that she loves, and she has proved so responsible that she’s getting other side jobs as well. Over the weekend I went to a retreat of sorts with some of the kids from our church youth group. It was a weekend on purity. Not only before marriage, but also after. Giving your whole self to your spouse…all the best parts, not the left-overs. It made me realize that I don’t always give all the good stuff to Barry. Sometimes he gets the left-overs. He needs to get my best. The United States doesn’t have a national fruit. Well, not according to Wikipedia, and we all know that that’s the gospel of all things. We need a national fruit. Ainsley and I vote for strawberry. I don’t make New Years’ Resolutions because when I wake up on January 2nd, and realize that I’ve already broken one all of them, I feel bad. I don’t like to feel bad. So, I have a list of things I’m going to try to do. I say “try”, so that, if one day out of 20 I fail, then I don’t feel so bad. Kind of like why I will never be on a diet. If I fail for a day or two, or four, I don’t want to feel like I’ve failed everything. So, I try to eat less, and I try to eat healthy, but if I don’t, it’s ok. I’ll try again the next day. This has worked beautifully for weight loss. I’m very proud of myself this year…while I’ve been stuck at the same weight throughout the Holiday season, I’ve also been Stuck. At. The. Same. Weight. Throughout. The. Holiday. Season. Do you realize that that’s not a bad thing? I’ve plateaued, but that’s amazing! I’ve not gained. I’m going to put the number of pounds lost at the bottom of this blog post, and for now, that’s the only time I will mention it. Someone I adore suggested I blog about my journey through that fickle countryside of “losing weight”. I hadn’t even really considered it before, and while I think it’s an amazing idea, I just don’t know if I’m ready to go there. If I did it, I’d have to share my actual weight. I’d have to let the cat out of the bag so to speak, and while I will be uninhibited about it when I eventually reach my goal weight (which you may be surprised to learn is not that thin…just much healthier), I am still so ashamed that it got as bad as it did…that my weight got as high as it did…that I was as unhealthy as I was. In fact, I didn’t even tell Barry where I started out until around September or October…that was four months into this process. Right now, you have no reason to believe that I didn’t start out at 150 lbs., and just get better from there. In fact, if you do think that, and you tell me, I may never admit my beginning weight. Ever! It’s quite obvious from any photo taken of me in the last 15 years, that I might weigh a pound or two over that…but you don’t know for sure, so shut up about it already. I am keeping track on an app on my phone. Each day I weigh myself (which is going to be a big, fat fail-pardon the pun-if I don’t remember sooner rather than later to buy a new 9V battery for the scale), and I record the weight. It’s a nice app. Simple. Easy to use. It has a passcode so that no one can look at it. It has a graph so I can see the progress. The only thing that would make it better is if there were a little tiny skier on that slope, and I could watch him/her ski down the hill of weight lost. Not a big deal. Of course, this last month or so would be more cross-country skiing than downhill, but it’s all good. There would only be bumps…no hills to climb. Since my conversation with my friend, it’s been on my heart to blog about the highs and lows of this. To blog about the times I’ve wanted to eat a pan of brownies, or the package of bacon in the fridge. Or mix the two. There are still days where I slip up. And I’m not even regularly exercising yet. Just being careful with what I eat, and watching my caloric intake. Keeping it under my magic number of calories allotted for the day. Maybe I’ll write more about it…my mind seems to be slowly heading in that direction…you can tell from just this post. I don’t know if it would be helpful to anyone else, but it would be cool (even if no one ever read it) to look back at what I went through, and what I failed at, and succeeded at, and to remember. One of the things I like best is that, when I was at a conference this weekend, and the elevator was full, I stepped back to wait for another one, and a teenaged person said, “There’s plenty of room, hop on!” I said, “No, I won’t fit on there”, and they said, “Are you kidding? Two of you would fit on here, get on!” No one even moved to let me on…and I fit. It’s those little things. Those little moments when you’re so used to something being one way, and it slaps you in the face that it’s not necessarily that way anymore. It’s different. It’s better. It’s like when you look at a picture of yourself that you just took, and you wonder how your got just the right angle to make your face look so thin, and then you realize that it’s not the angle. Your face is not as fat as it once was. Speaking of that, I need a new profile pic on Facebook…that girl with the really fat face is bothering me, even though it might be the best picture I’ve ever taken of myself. BTW, while I don’t eat as much bacon as I want, and I haven’t had a brownie in months, I still eat lots of cheese, so there’s hope for you, too. ;)

I got off on a tangent…here’s my list of things to try for 2013:

1. Give Barry the best of me.

2. Give my kids the best of me.

3. Give God all of me. He deserves the best, and He can handle the rest. (I just made that up. You can totally steal it, but if you make it into a shirt or something, I want some credit…or money. Money would be my preference. I’m not Forrest Gump. I can’t afford to just give out my golden thoughts for free while I run across the country three times and my stock in Apple climbs higher and higher.)

4. I’d like to take a picture of all four of us (my little family) every day for a year. I have always wanted to do this, and I’m determined to try it. I’m not sure how the logistics of it will work yet, but I have about 9 hours to figure it out.

5. Be more faithful about my blogging and writing. Maybe even submit something somewhere.

6. Money stuffs. Keep a journal of money spent, keep a list of goals. It worked for losing weight, maybe it can work for losing debt. When I looked at the calories I was taking in, I changed the way I ate. If I look at the way I’m spending money, maybe I can change the way I spend. It can’t be worse than doing nothing. FYI, doing nothing doesn’t appear to be working. Save yourself the grief, and make a plan.

7. Not be so freaked out over things like the number 6. That way I don’t waste your time (and mine) typing up a 7th thing, just so I don’t have 6.

(You may notice that weight-loss is not here…it’s a change in lifestyle. That change is already made. It doesn’t need to be on the list anymore.)

While most people spent their Spring Break on vacation lying in the sand on some fabulous beach, or skiing in the Rockies (Who am I kidding? I don’t think anyone got that much snow last year), or hanging out/drinking/studying, I spent mine in the ICU at Mercy Hospital in Des Moines. I lived there the entire week. I only left two times, because it was also the week of Parent-Teacher Conferences for my kids, and I don’t miss those for anything. Also, popular opinion says that it’s important to bathe now and then, and since I couldn’t use the bathroom that my comatose mom was never going to use, because it wasn’t my bathroom, I needed to take care of things at home. Side-note: Every time I had to go, I had to leave the ICU, go far down the hall and use the public one. This silly rule teaches you two things: 1-they are not worried about the comfort or accessibility of anything for anyone other than patients. 2-your bladder can hold a lot more than you give it credit for. When I came back to Boone for these two nights, I also showered and got clean clothes. It’s probably a good thing that not one person came to visit me the whole week. Then again, they might have just smelled me from the hallway outside the ICU, and turned and ran the other way. I didn’t do any schoolwork. I didn’t really do anything. I just sat there. I did get a lot of games of DrawSomething in. It’s grasping at straws, I know, and I don’t think that really counts as an accomplishment. I appreciate all those DrawSomething opponents who helped me keep my mind off of where I was and what decisions I knew I’d have to make. I spent quite a bit of that time talking to my mom, who after a day and a half (out of the five) never again responded to me. It was kind of like a lot of our times together…all a one-way conversation. There were no deep sighs, though, so there was no way to tell if she disapproved of what I said. She probably did, but I’ll never know. I figured if it was really bad, she’d let me know. About three days in, I started saying stuff that I’d always wanted to say…sometime just to see if I could get a response out of her. She was only able to wriggle her toes, or squeeze my hand, and that all stopped more than three days before she passed away. I begged her to wake up. I needed to know some things. Things I thought I’d always have time to ask her. Things I will never know. Some of these things are things I’ve always wanted to know. Some are new things. I’ve spent a good chunk of this year writing them out, and then trying to let those things go. It’s not working as well as I’d hoped, but it’s something I’ve got to learn do. I’ve got to move on, and not dwell on it. That’s one of the reasons I started this blog. I’m not as faithful at it as I’d like to be. As far as writing goes, I finished a couple things in 2012. Not big things, but things I’m proud of finishing. Things I’ve had to really work through, and force myself to write out. I can’t wait to get all this Christmas crap out of my house and back to the storage room in the basement where it belongs. It’s driving me crazy. I think it’s all getting taken down Wednesday. That should also bring the guest room back to order, since that’s where most of the mess of Christmas has been dumped. I hope that next year we can get some new decorations, and get rid of some of the old. Not the old cool stuff, but the old “this will do until we can afford to get something that doesn’t make me want to puke” kind of stuff. *fingers crossed* The largest watermelon ever grown was 262 pounds. I need to finish writing out all the things that went on surrounding my mom’s death. I need to remember all the stuff, and while I have quite a bit written down, I don’t have it all. I’m wondering if I can say things I want to write down into my voice memo app on my phone and then write it from there. Sometimes I get ideas while I’m driving or can’t have a notebook, and I need to get it out before it’s forgotten. It’s funny how when I was a teen, I’d go to a conference, or retreat, and I’d make some kind of glorious commitment and swear that I’d change my ways, and then I’d go home and get busy with the stuff of life, and I’d eventually forget all about it. It’s not funny “ha ha”, it’s funny “peculiar”. I thought it would change when I became an adult, but it seems that there’s more to get wrapped up in, and there’s more of the stuff than there was. I am praying and hoping with all my might that I don’t forget how moved I was Saturday night. How convicted I felt. I hope I don’t forget what I said, and thought, and felt, and promised. I keep coming back to these two things: my mom, and this past weekend. I miss my mom far more than I ever thought I would. I’ve spent so many Christmases without her, that it wasn’t totally different. There wasn’t an empty space at the table this year, because there has been an empty space at the table for lots of years. There was however no phone call. And no one really even mentioned her. The kids did say that it would be weird to not get anything from her this year. They didn’t mean it selfishly…just more as an observation. They’ve gotten (since birth) an ornament from her every year at Christmas, and one of them commented on how it would be weird to have last years’ ornament be the last one. Then we dug around, looking for that last one. I was so grateful that (a few years ago) I marked on each one “Grandma Jo” and the year. I started the tradition of getting each of them an ornament each year as well, so they did get something. And they will continue to get something…until I’m dead and gone, and Barry’s new trophy wife doesn’t know all the traditions, and ruins everything, all the time, forever. She’s going to be so out of the loop. I should leave her a note or something.

I apologize to you, my faithful reader, that I have missed two Friday’s in a row. This is not intended to make up for it, just let you know that you and this past year are on my mind today. There are lots of words, so it’s like there are two of them, and if that’s not enough…then just get over it. There will be another one on Friday. Probably (but no promises) less depressing than this one.

That is all.

No it’s not…

48 (since June 1, 2012)

Now that is all.

“Thank God It’s Friday” Brain Dump

I can’t believe it’s been a week since the last one. I’m terrible at writing every day. I’ve been so busy this past week, that I didn’t believe my phone when it said it was Friday. Today I made “Elf Yourself” videos instead of cleaning and baking. (I tried to post them in this BDF, but it wouldn’t work. You can view them on Facebook if we’re friends) Now that’s over, and I can’t think of anything fun to do, so I’m going to have to go clean and bake. We haven’t decorated the tree yet. All of our tree lights are at the church for the prayer walk I helped decorate, and the lights go one the tree first. I want to do a theme tree this year…just colors…and the kids will want their ornaments on the tree. I will very likely give in and give them the tree again. Next year maybe we’ll have two trees. This weekend is going to be the busiest weekend of them all. Four Christmas parties to go to, a Christmas program, another couple hours of hosting the prayer walk… I hadn’t planned on working much this month, and so, over the last couple of months, I committed to several other things. Personal things. Things that keep me in the loop with friends. Things that remind me that there’s a whole world out there…outside of work. Then I find myself getting pressure from on high to sell more, and now I’m so busy, I can’t find the time. I need to get at least one more show in this month. The sad part is, I’ve been enjoying this time away from it. I will be ready to get back to it when the time is right, but, for once, I’m really enjoying the holidays, and I don’t want to work. I’ll work later. This is the first Christmas I’ve really enjoyed in a long time. I have the time to do stuff I want to do, and I’m not too tired to do it. I really do love working for myself. I have to remember that no matter how much pressure there is from those above me, that I do work for myself. I work when I want to. I do what I want to. It’s my business. I am sad today about what happened in Connecticut. It throws me right back to the awful Tuesday when Jessup was in his first week of Kindergarten and the Twin Towers went down. I wanted more than anything to run to his school and grab him, hold him tight in my arms, and never let go. He was five years old, and so little. I cannot imagine what those parents are going through. Someone posted on Facebook today that this is why they homeschool. This? Really? A one in a bazillion chance that something like this could happen, and this is why you homeschool? There are far better reasons to homeschool, and if you’re keeping your kids out of school because you’re too afraid to let them go, then you need to re-evaluate. You’re going to raise fearful children. Mine are aware, not afraid. We don’t homeschool because, for many reasons, it wasn’t right for us. There are things I would definitely change about the education system, even in small-town Iowa, but over-all it’s a decent education. We fill in the gaps as needed. We did homeschool for a while. It was very necessary for a time, and then it became very clear that it was time to stop. Both kids are better for it. So am I, for that matter. I started writing this around 10am, and found myself glued to the TV for far too long watching the news. I just kept getting sadder, so I finally stopped. I printed return address labels for Christmas cards instead. I also printed some gift tags. It’s now 3pm (I have done other stuff, too, not just print labels for 5 hours), and I still have to go clean and bake. I think I’m going to make my Daddy’s Christmas bread this year. Not today, but soon. I finally have my beautiful mixer…and I think it’s time to put it to the test. That is all.

 

Brain Dump Friday – Favorite Songs List Edition

Tonight, I was asked a couple of awkward questions. Questions that none of you would want to answer. You don’t even want to know what they were. I was blunt. I stuttered, but I got through it. Because I’m the Momma. Also because I don’t want her to Google it. Unrelated: I love end of the world movies. I prefaced that because for reasons. (I said it that way on purpose-because I think it’s cute. I shouldn’t have to explain that to you, but I felt compelled. Probably so you don’t think I’m an idiot.) I’ve been making CD’s. Sort-of like mix-tapes, but updated to 2003. I’m really current like that. Anyway, I made a CD of my favorite songs for a friend of mine. It’s not all my favorite songs…just some of them. Only about 20. I finally got all my music transferred over to my MacBook. It only took 14 months for me to get around to it. It didn’t take too long. What I mean is…it took forever for me to get around to it…not too long to actually do it. I was actually surprised. It took hours to get the songs off the ancient laptop (a PC) that we have, and only about 45 minutes to get them all loaded onto my MacBook. I might list the songs I chose for her at the end of this. If I remember. I might not. I’m forgetful. I’m also watching an end of the world movie. I always wanted to witness a NASA shuttle take-off. It’s on my bucket list. It will probably never happen now. What a bummer. I should make a mix-CD of the Christmas songs I love. I have to apologize for how weird and dull this is. My husband makes the best pasta bake that I’ve ever tasted. We had it for supper. I love Morgan Freeman. He’s so fantastic. Have you ever laughed when you received bad news? I found a new color of nail polish. It’s from Essie. It’s called “She’s Pampered”. I thought that was cute. And appropriate. That is all. Except it’s not. A car got pulled over in front of our house earlier. It looked like some sort of wonky Christmas display for about 10 minutes. Now it’s over. That is all. Except for the list of songs. So, I guess that’s still not all. But, after the list of songs (and maybe a little explanation)…that. is. all. Really.

Be Still, My Soul-Shaun Barrowes/I Won’t Give Up-Jason Mraz/If I Should Fall Behind-Bruce Springsteen/In My Life-Johnny Cash/In The End-Linkin Park/Let It Be Me-Ray LaMontagne/Little Wonders-Rob Thomas/Love Land-Martina McBride/The Luckiest-Ben Folds/Meant To Live-Switchfoot/Monster-Skillet/Perfect-Alanis Morissette/Quiet My Heart-Brooke Barrettsmith/Seat Next To You-Bon Jovi/Stealing Kisses-Lori McKenna/Still-Tim McGraw/These Days-Foo Fighters/This Never Happened Before-Paul McCartney/Unknown-Chely Wright/Where I Stood-Missy Higgins/World Spins Madly On-The Weepies

The first song…maybe the greatest version of that song ever. It’s not on iTunes, I have no idea where I got it. A couple of the songs were covered by Faith Hill. I prefer the originals. I wrote a story several years ago based on one of the songs. Maybe I’ll put it here sometime. A couple of these songs hit so close to home for me that I can barely listen to them. A couple are almost biographical. Brooke Barrettsmith should have had a longer career. Shame on whomever did not make that happen. There are a lot (and I mean A LOT) of songs missing from this list. You can only fit so many on a CD. Maybe giving someone a flash drive of your favorite songs will become a thing. Until then…the list has to be short. Someday I might Brain Dump a list of my favorite songs. (…and you thought this was a long Brain Dump)

That. Really. Is. All.

Brain Dump Friday

I really don’t know what to say. I get to learn how to make a pie (the “perfect apple pie”) on Saturday. The funny thing is…I don’t much care for pie, and I don’t like apples. But Barry is very, very excited about me learning how to do this. I don’t even know where my rolling pin is. I had one. In all of our moves over the years, I fear it has gotten lost or been given away because I never thought I’d need it. Hmmm…maybe there are some things you should just keep. I’ve become one of those people who doesn’t snack. I have worked really hard to not mindlessly eat. Today, however, I’m on a time crunch, and I’ve been nibbling on caramel puff corn for an hour or so. This is not good. The caramel puff corn is very good, but the habit is not good. The habit is clearly not as broken as I thought it was. I’m still thinking about pie. I have a brand new Pampered Chef Stoneware Pie Plate for learning how to make a pie. And our new Pastry Blender. I finally get to use them tomorrow. I’m irritated that the Post Office won’t be open Monday. I have to mail something today (the time crunch) and if I don’t do it today, it won’t be delivered in time. I’m debating on whether or not to just wait. I may just mail out the few that I have, and wait on the rest. I am literally in the middle of four different things right now, and I stopped them all to write this. And I can’t think of anything to say. QUESTION: Is it “all of the sudden” or “all of a sudden”? I have not always wondered this. I saw it one way, and I think it’s the other way, but I’m not sure. Well, I’m sure I’m right in my own head, but I’m not sure that I’m right publicly. With that in mind, I’m not going to tell you which I think it is, I’m just going to throw that question out there. I always think it’s funny when people use words that aren’t words to talk. I wonder if it makes them feel smarter, seem more important, or if they actually think that’s a word. It’s a struggle for me not to giggle when they do it in front of me, so I’m thrilled when they do it on the internet…that way I can laugh and it’s not mean. It’s not mean. It’s not. Shut up. How much do people talk about work? I’m wondering if I do it an abnormal amount. I feel like I’m always saying something about it, and I’m not trying to, it’s just the main focus of my day. Isn’t it the main focus of other people’s days? Do other people talk about work a lot and I just don’t notice? Maybe people don’t notice when I talk about work. I feel like they do. I worry about weird things. I was going to try that writing thing for November…the NaNoWriMo. Then I looked into it. 50,000 words in 30 days means approximately 1,666.66667 words per day. That right there spooked me. I don’t like all those 6’s. Especially when they’re together like that. So I got over that and realized the today is the 9th. That means I only have 22 days, including today, for a total of 2,272.72727 words per day. I also read in the rules (yes, I’m a rule reader-that should not shock you) that you can’t use work you’ve already written. Here’s where I get whiney… But I already have over 6,000 words…waaaaaah…that means that I could just write 1,993.90909 words per day (Seriously…does nothing go into 50,000 evenly???) and I’d be done in time…waaaaaaaah. Two more bits of fun…I don’t have another idea for a book, and I don’t have that much time. Also, once I get started writing, it’s really hard for me to stop. There’s a reason why some writers go to a secluded cabin to write and have no human contact. Getting myself to a cabin would be challenging. I don’t have one of my own (it would be SO cool of I did), and even if I could borrow one or rent one, I can’t because I have a strange fear of being murdered in the woods, and I spook easily. Did you not notice that with my thing about 6’s? If I can hardly look at the number six in my office, how on earth would I go to a cabin alone? But, if I could get over my fear, once I got there, I could totally do it. If I only had a computer, and no internet. If I had internet, I’d be in big trouble. Because there’s Facebook. And Pinterest. And other things I can’t think of right now. Like a phone. I’d need one to call 911 when someone tries to murder me in the woods. What if 911 doesn’t work out there? What if there’s no internet? I mean there couldn’t be for my computer, but what about my phone? How long could I live without Draw Something? Words with Friends? SongPop? That logo game I recently downloaded that I’m determined not to cheat on, but am stuck with logos I don’t know?  Anyway, I’m still undecided. It’s a little late to be undecided, but I still am. I really don’t see how I could do it, unless I used what I already have. Sorry this was boring. More sorry that I started another sentence with “but”. Two of them. And one or two with “and”. Plus that one. I do know better. I promise. Oh well. That is all.

Brain Dump Friday

Today is Red Green Day at both the high school and middle school here in town. No, NOT the guy on PBS (I made that mistake, too-not really). Today is the day on which everyone is supposed to wear red and green. Is it because Christmas is coming? NO. Is it because of Boone Iowa’s rich, Spanish heritage? NO. (shocking) It’s because, at some point in our history, someone decided that those two colors should be the school colors. It really serves a dual-purpose…You can have lots of school spirit, and you can wear your school stuff to Christmas parties and you fit right in! Also…we are the Toreadors. Again…not sure why. Though I am leaning closer to the rich, Spanish heritage thing… I wonder what the official school dance is? Salsa? Maybe that’s the official condiment. Tango? Speaking of tango…the Pampered Chef “hot” color for the season is called Tangerine Tango, and it’s really pretty. I would have called it Coral – something – but I’m not a marketing genius… I can’t think of a dance that starts with “C”. I go to my acting gig job again next week. I’m so excited! I love that job. I had three cups of coffee at the bakery this morning and I’m actually shaking. That’s probably not a good thing. I hope it stops before…well, there’s not really a time today when I can’t be a little shaky, but I hope it stops soon. My fingers are going too fast, and I keep having to correct errors in this post. There’s a person for everyone – sometimes that person is five cats. I wish I could take pictures with my eyeballs. I see so many wonderful and beautiful things, and I can’t seem to capture them just like I see them. Of course, that would make me some sort of cyborg, but that would be one of my suggestions if I could ask God to change something about me. Camera in my eyeballs. Awesome. I would probably need a USB port. That would be a weird thing to have to explain. And then there’s the whole “I can’t get up from my computer right now because I’m charging” thing. Weird. What’s wrong with my brain? My office smells like bacon. I ate bacon flavored popcorn yesterday, and while it was not as impressive as I had hoped it would be (including a weird “filmy” feeling in my mouth), it was edible, and I ate it. Now the empty bag is in my office garbage and so my office smells like bacon. I wonder how long that will last? How long is too long to leave it in there? hmmm… I want to find a shirt that reads “I’m not responsible for grammatical errors before 8am”. Of course, then I would want there to be some gross grammatical error on the shirt, but I can’t think of one that would be funny. Maybe I should try designing the shirt before 8am. OH! Cha-Cha! That’s a dance that starts with “C”. Coral Cha-Cha doesn’t roll off your tongue like Tangerine Tango. Again…NOT a marketing genius. Would it hurt to walk around with bare feet if you lived in a house made of legos? I was just wondering… I think it would be kind of like the whole “bed of nails” thing. It hurts to sit on one nail. but I’ve sat on a chair made of nails before, and that didn’t hurt. Something about science and distribution. Have you ever had one of those moments that you just want to grab hold of and never let go? Someone says something or does something that just melts your heart, and you wish you had it on video and could replay it over and over again? I had one of those moments with Ainsley last Tuesday night. My daughter is just the sweetest girl, and she makes me grateful to be alive more often that I can say. My relationship with her is so, SO different than my relationship was with my mom, and I’m so thankful and blessed. Both of my kids are just the greatest gifts from God. If I were a cyborg, I probably wouldn’t have kids. That would be a devastation beyond what I can bear. I don’t want to be a cyborg. That is all.

Brain Dump Friday

THIS is the blog post that people read. The nonsense. The one that has no purpose, except that every time I think about stopping, someone says how much they love it, and I am compelled to keep it going.

Once again I neglected to jot down the little things I think about throughout the week for this. I have recipe card sitting on my desk for a PC Show at the end of this month and I’m dying to try the recipe. My son has a date to the Homecoming Dance, and I’m so excited for him. I adore the girl he’s asked. I’ve known her since they were in the third grade. She’s a smart, beautiful, strong young woman. McDonald’s has really yummy iced tea. I forgot about that. I have a gnome sitting on my desk. And two owls. (They aren’t speaking to each other right now. Apparently there was an issue with a pointy hat.) My desk has too much paperwork. I tried to get it organized, and I feel like I did very little tossing/shredding, and a lot of shuffling. I don’t like the glossy page protectors because they have such a bad glare, but I can’t use the matte page protectors because they stick together. I need them to slide and have little/no glare. I think, once again, I want the impossible. C’mon Staples…fix my problem! There’s so much thunder outside right now that it sounds like they are bowling in heaven. I used to over-think things when I was a kid, too. I would think the weirdest things. Someday I will have to write a blog post about the things I thought when I was younger. You will probably feel bad for my parents. I am trying out Scentsy for the first time. I can’t wait to get my warmer and my Mochadoodle scent. I want my whole office to smell like a bakery. I love trees. I love to draw them, and look at them, but I hate climbing them. Weird. I think it’s because I also hate falling out of them. Everyone should have a Smash* book. I worked in mine today. If you don’t know what it is, ask me. I will tell you all about how I will never scrapbook again. I am a perfectionist, and this Smash* book is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me…except for 80’s GLAM Sharpies. Who doesn’t love Leg-warmer Orange, Banana Clip Yellow, and Valley Girl Violet? Am I right? I now have a small notebook for notes and lists. And yet, no list for BDF…hmm. #BDFfail??? I think so. I have a script to memorize for a job I’m doing sporadically throughout the Fall. It’s the closest thing I’ll ever get to a paid acting gig. (I should call it that) I love pretending. I have to pretend to like (even love) dogs. I’ve been told I’m very convincing. The instructor even said I did a really good job. The scentsy warmer has a tree on it…that’s how I went from bakery to trees. If you were wondering… You probably weren’t. I cannot wait for Parenthood to come back on the TV. That is my hour. My snuggle on the couch and do nothing else but be with Barry time. I have really missed it. Someone told me I should write a column of some sort with this nonsense in it. I’ll tell you what…If you can find some newspaper, local magazine, or someone who’d even give me the time of day and a chance, I’d write whatever they wanted. As long as it is this. This is light and fun. This involves only my over-active brain. No feelings or emotions here, and I’m good with that. So, if someone wants it, I will write. Until then, it’s all for you. And you. And that guy over there in the corner who will swear later that he was never here. I saw you. ;) That is all. #BrainDumpFriday (Thumbs up to everyone who likes this on Facebook after they’ve read it here. I’m really curious how many of you there are. I think there are about five to seven of you. Prove me wrong…or right.)

Brain Dump Friday

I hope I’m never famous for being dorky. I mean, I am dorky, I just hope I’m never famous for it. It would be awesome to be famous…for about a week. Then I think I’d be done with it completely. Part of the reason I started my own business with The Pampered Chef is because they appreciate the polka dot. It is a thing, and if you’re not on the bandwagon, you’re out of luck. (OK, I didn’t really sign up because of that, but they do have several things that are polka dot, and I love them all. In fact, there is FREE thing on it way to me right now…and it’s polka dot! I love that I have to do so little to be recognized and appreciated!) Last night Jessup and I were sitting in the car for a few moments after I pulled into the garage, and suddenly someone came up behind the car, slammed into it, and yelled, “BLLLLAAAAAAAHHHHHH!” I jumped and screamed, and Jessup did something that shocked me. He threw open the door, leaped from the passenger seat, and threw his cup of Pepsi (which I consumed most of while he was watching a movie at the high school) directly at the perpetrator Barry. Jessup hit him right in the face and the lid to the cup blew off and ice and Pepsi covered him. Then I started to cry, and I was shaking so bad. I did not appreciate being scared. It seems as though I take the brunt of the scaring. I scare Barry (only once when we were dating), and his Navy and self-defense training kick in, and before I know it I’m flat on the floor. He scares me, I almost pee my pants and then cry. I don’t think I can win this one. Barry’s punishment was not only to be sticky, but to carry in my gigantic bag of products and supplies, and then help me wash them. I couldn’t believe Jessup’s bravery and accuracy in the face of what could’ve been actual danger! I’m really overwhelmed. He jumped up and tried to save me. Look out attackers! (I think he thinks I’m going to keep giving him icy sodas…just in case he has to defend himself. Or me. That’s not going to happen. We are a nearly soda-free family.) FYI: if you get mugged, you’ll want Jessup and a soda nearby. If you have me, you better hope for an OCD, germ-a-phobe, who can’t stand pee…or a crying girl. I miss my first job. Just one part of it, really. This guy and I paired up early on to “perform” for the kids who would come in really early. (I worked at Discovery Zone) His name was Ali, which the kids loved because of Aladdin. Anyway, we would put a soundtrack into the system first thing in the morning and do a “show” near (sometimes in) the ball pits. Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, Rescuers Down Under, Beauty and the Beast. We would sing and dance along with the music. There weren’t very many kids in the place yet, and it was still pretty quiet. We’d recite the words and sing the lyrics word for word, and we just had the best time. One day I sang all the boy parts and he sang all the girl parts. It was a fun job. I don’t think I’d like it now, but I remember loving it back then. I’ve only been hired “on the spot” for two jobs, and that was the first. Both of those jobs were awesome and fun experiences. Both jobs taught me a lot. Neither job gave me polka dot things for free. :( I just realized that I was sort-of famous for my “shows” at DZ…and those were dorky. It doesn’t count though. Pre-school famous, isn’t really famous. Unless you’re Thomas, the Teletubbies, or Barney. And all of those are too dorky for me. That is all. #BrainDumpFriday