Hi, my name is Vicki, and I’m undesirable…

(Everyone together: “Hi, Vicki!”)

I don’t blog when I’m down.

Ok, that’s not totally true. I’m blogging right now.

I’ve had a lot on my mind, but every time I sit down to write, I get whiney-sounding, and I don’t want to whine here, so I delete it and go about my day.

Too bad for this post…I’m breaking my rule. You can just skip to the next post if you’d like. In fact, you probably should.

You’re not going to, are you? OK…I warned you.

I’ve been looking for a job for quite some time now, and I’m not finding anything. It’s getting me down, and the more rejection I face, the more down I get, and the more down I get, the less I care about finding a job, and the less I care about finding a job, the more pressure I feel, and the more pressure I feel, the more down I get…

It’s a vicious spiral.

I can’t even get a job at Walmart. I hate Walmart, but I would work there, and I’d be a great employee. But they don’t even want me. Nobody does. Cue world’s smallest violin…

It’s just that it’s all pretty overwhelming right now, and I’m having trouble with what’s fair and what’s not fair. It just seems stupid that we can’t do something that would greatly benefit our son (and us-financially) because I can’t find a job. It’s a huge weight to bear, and I don’t like it. It makes me want to stay in bed all day. It feels like it’s all my fault. And the worst part is that it’s a tiny amount now to earn him a scholarship and save almost half of his college tuition for four years. Yeah…almost half! But it’s too much right now, and that’s just the way it is. It’s not fair.

There I go sounding whiney…time to go lay down in the dark and probably not sleep. That’s what I do.

On a brighter note, I got a new toothbrush and I really like it. New mouthwash, too.

And I get to spend the whole day tomorrow with my girl. One-on-one days with my kids are the best!

I’m going to choose to see the best, and make the best of what I can.

Oh, and…while it may suck to live on a budget, it’s sucks more to have three things pop up in one month. One month that was so perfectly planned and is now shot to **insert your own word here**. That’s why we are changing things. We get up and dust ourselves off, make the best of what we will try to save out of the mess that is May, and try again next month.

If you need me, I’ll be praying in the corner. And some crying. Hopefully, mostly praying. At least I’m not pregnant. Not that that’s a bad thing, I just thought about something worse than what I feel now, and that would be worse. So…at least that’s not a possibility.

That is all.

P.S. Can I put two “ly” words together like that? Well, I did it. Sue me. Well, don’t sue me…but if you threaten to, I can just send you the $5 I have left, and we’ll save some court fees. ;)

Also, would you pray for me…that it turns around? That I find a job I can at least stand to go to? That we stay on track? There are lots of things to pray for, but those are the big ones. For now. Thank you.

Advertisements

Brain Dump Friday

I’ve decided to give Twin Peaks a try. The pilot premiered in 1990, and since I was 15 at the time, and my parents were still in charge of my every movement, I wasn’t allowed to watch it. It’s probably still too mature for me, but I’ll give it a go. See what all the fuss is about. Already it’s treading on rocky ground. The first scene, I mean the FIRST thing I saw was a bird. I don’t like birds. Hopefully it’s uphill from here. I’ve been re-working my resumé. I wonder if I can call myself a “Community Organizer” based on the fact that I am helping promote and lead a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University class at our church. I mean it’s for the community. And I’m organizing it. Hence: Community Organizer. That looks much better on a resumé than “attendance taker at weekly church class”. I can’t use Domestic Engineer, because I’m barely domestic, and without medication I can’t engineer my way out of bed every day. Something like “Supervised and coordinated all aspects of domestic technology”. That sounds good. “Director of Domestic Systems and Technologies”. I could come up with these all day. I wonder if that’s a job. “In charge of all aspects of home-based supervision for weather-related phenomena while maintaining and following all safety protocol”…watching it snow outside from the safety and warmth of my blankie. But it sounds so much better with the big words. I ate a Twix. It was delicious. It’s funny how a story can start out so harmless and normal, and then, when one little tiny aspect of the story is revealed, everyone erupts into laughter, and the story then becomes timeless and memorable. It doesn’t matter that it happened five years ago. It feels like yesterday. And yet, if you leave that little part out, it’s just a story that no one will ever remember. I love that. Finding the little things…the little pieces of an everyday thing that make it so much more. I’ve applied for four jobs already today and my brain hurts. If I never again have to list all the jobs I’ve had, it would be OK with me. Professional Doodler and Part-Time Writer should be a paying gig. If I could figure a way to put all the things I’m good at to work for me, I’d be the happiest person alive. I would write, doodle, and design things for a living. Graphic design jobs all want related college degrees, and way more experience than I have. I don’t know all the programs. I can’t afford to buy all of them to learn. I think I’m going to start telling stories. Stories from when I was kid, and stories from my little family now…see what develops. Several people have suggested I do my brain dumps in another forum. A couple people have suggested newspaper columns. One person said the radio…like a morning program. I don’t know if it’s funny enough for that, but it would be a fun experiment. So…if you like this nonsense that I write, and you think someone else would enjoy it, please feel free to forward it on. Recommend it. Re-post it. Whatever. I don’t care. I’d love it. Maybe something will come of it. Or…maybe I’ll just make a new friend. Either way. That is all.

This Is NOT An “End Of Year” Letter. It’s A Brain Dump. About The Year. Since We Are At The End Of It.

Sometimes I think about writing a Holiday/End Of Year letter. You know, like lots of families do…kind-of recapping the year, and talking about how everyone is awesome and things are great! Then I think about this…This year has been one of the hardest years I’ve ever had. Full of pain, sacrifice, and loss. Full of joys, good memories, and a few realized dreams. You should go back and swap those…do the happy one first. The next year is starting out hard, but with some faith, a little perseverance, and some more sacrificing, it should be better at the end than at the beginning. I’m looking forward to that. I am really mad at the Mayans. How dare they be wrong! To get me everyone all riled up and worried for no reason. Thank God I didn’t get that bomb shelter I wanted to put in the back yard…or all those treadmills to ward off the zombies in the zombie apocalypse. I was We were so close to over-reacting! This year saw Jessup getting his permit and license, and his first two jobs (at the same time-literally within a day of each other). Ainsley has a job that she loves, and she has proved so responsible that she’s getting other side jobs as well. Over the weekend I went to a retreat of sorts with some of the kids from our church youth group. It was a weekend on purity. Not only before marriage, but also after. Giving your whole self to your spouse…all the best parts, not the left-overs. It made me realize that I don’t always give all the good stuff to Barry. Sometimes he gets the left-overs. He needs to get my best. The United States doesn’t have a national fruit. Well, not according to Wikipedia, and we all know that that’s the gospel of all things. We need a national fruit. Ainsley and I vote for strawberry. I don’t make New Years’ Resolutions because when I wake up on January 2nd, and realize that I’ve already broken one all of them, I feel bad. I don’t like to feel bad. So, I have a list of things I’m going to try to do. I say “try”, so that, if one day out of 20 I fail, then I don’t feel so bad. Kind of like why I will never be on a diet. If I fail for a day or two, or four, I don’t want to feel like I’ve failed everything. So, I try to eat less, and I try to eat healthy, but if I don’t, it’s ok. I’ll try again the next day. This has worked beautifully for weight loss. I’m very proud of myself this year…while I’ve been stuck at the same weight throughout the Holiday season, I’ve also been Stuck. At. The. Same. Weight. Throughout. The. Holiday. Season. Do you realize that that’s not a bad thing? I’ve plateaued, but that’s amazing! I’ve not gained. I’m going to put the number of pounds lost at the bottom of this blog post, and for now, that’s the only time I will mention it. Someone I adore suggested I blog about my journey through that fickle countryside of “losing weight”. I hadn’t even really considered it before, and while I think it’s an amazing idea, I just don’t know if I’m ready to go there. If I did it, I’d have to share my actual weight. I’d have to let the cat out of the bag so to speak, and while I will be uninhibited about it when I eventually reach my goal weight (which you may be surprised to learn is not that thin…just much healthier), I am still so ashamed that it got as bad as it did…that my weight got as high as it did…that I was as unhealthy as I was. In fact, I didn’t even tell Barry where I started out until around September or October…that was four months into this process. Right now, you have no reason to believe that I didn’t start out at 150 lbs., and just get better from there. In fact, if you do think that, and you tell me, I may never admit my beginning weight. Ever! It’s quite obvious from any photo taken of me in the last 15 years, that I might weigh a pound or two over that…but you don’t know for sure, so shut up about it already. I am keeping track on an app on my phone. Each day I weigh myself (which is going to be a big, fat fail-pardon the pun-if I don’t remember sooner rather than later to buy a new 9V battery for the scale), and I record the weight. It’s a nice app. Simple. Easy to use. It has a passcode so that no one can look at it. It has a graph so I can see the progress. The only thing that would make it better is if there were a little tiny skier on that slope, and I could watch him/her ski down the hill of weight lost. Not a big deal. Of course, this last month or so would be more cross-country skiing than downhill, but it’s all good. There would only be bumps…no hills to climb. Since my conversation with my friend, it’s been on my heart to blog about the highs and lows of this. To blog about the times I’ve wanted to eat a pan of brownies, or the package of bacon in the fridge. Or mix the two. There are still days where I slip up. And I’m not even regularly exercising yet. Just being careful with what I eat, and watching my caloric intake. Keeping it under my magic number of calories allotted for the day. Maybe I’ll write more about it…my mind seems to be slowly heading in that direction…you can tell from just this post. I don’t know if it would be helpful to anyone else, but it would be cool (even if no one ever read it) to look back at what I went through, and what I failed at, and succeeded at, and to remember. One of the things I like best is that, when I was at a conference this weekend, and the elevator was full, I stepped back to wait for another one, and a teenaged person said, “There’s plenty of room, hop on!” I said, “No, I won’t fit on there”, and they said, “Are you kidding? Two of you would fit on here, get on!” No one even moved to let me on…and I fit. It’s those little things. Those little moments when you’re so used to something being one way, and it slaps you in the face that it’s not necessarily that way anymore. It’s different. It’s better. It’s like when you look at a picture of yourself that you just took, and you wonder how your got just the right angle to make your face look so thin, and then you realize that it’s not the angle. Your face is not as fat as it once was. Speaking of that, I need a new profile pic on Facebook…that girl with the really fat face is bothering me, even though it might be the best picture I’ve ever taken of myself. BTW, while I don’t eat as much bacon as I want, and I haven’t had a brownie in months, I still eat lots of cheese, so there’s hope for you, too. ;)

I got off on a tangent…here’s my list of things to try for 2013:

1. Give Barry the best of me.

2. Give my kids the best of me.

3. Give God all of me. He deserves the best, and He can handle the rest. (I just made that up. You can totally steal it, but if you make it into a shirt or something, I want some credit…or money. Money would be my preference. I’m not Forrest Gump. I can’t afford to just give out my golden thoughts for free while I run across the country three times and my stock in Apple climbs higher and higher.)

4. I’d like to take a picture of all four of us (my little family) every day for a year. I have always wanted to do this, and I’m determined to try it. I’m not sure how the logistics of it will work yet, but I have about 9 hours to figure it out.

5. Be more faithful about my blogging and writing. Maybe even submit something somewhere.

6. Money stuffs. Keep a journal of money spent, keep a list of goals. It worked for losing weight, maybe it can work for losing debt. When I looked at the calories I was taking in, I changed the way I ate. If I look at the way I’m spending money, maybe I can change the way I spend. It can’t be worse than doing nothing. FYI, doing nothing doesn’t appear to be working. Save yourself the grief, and make a plan.

7. Not be so freaked out over things like the number 6. That way I don’t waste your time (and mine) typing up a 7th thing, just so I don’t have 6.

(You may notice that weight-loss is not here…it’s a change in lifestyle. That change is already made. It doesn’t need to be on the list anymore.)

While most people spent their Spring Break on vacation lying in the sand on some fabulous beach, or skiing in the Rockies (Who am I kidding? I don’t think anyone got that much snow last year), or hanging out/drinking/studying, I spent mine in the ICU at Mercy Hospital in Des Moines. I lived there the entire week. I only left two times, because it was also the week of Parent-Teacher Conferences for my kids, and I don’t miss those for anything. Also, popular opinion says that it’s important to bathe now and then, and since I couldn’t use the bathroom that my comatose mom was never going to use, because it wasn’t my bathroom, I needed to take care of things at home. Side-note: Every time I had to go, I had to leave the ICU, go far down the hall and use the public one. This silly rule teaches you two things: 1-they are not worried about the comfort or accessibility of anything for anyone other than patients. 2-your bladder can hold a lot more than you give it credit for. When I came back to Boone for these two nights, I also showered and got clean clothes. It’s probably a good thing that not one person came to visit me the whole week. Then again, they might have just smelled me from the hallway outside the ICU, and turned and ran the other way. I didn’t do any schoolwork. I didn’t really do anything. I just sat there. I did get a lot of games of DrawSomething in. It’s grasping at straws, I know, and I don’t think that really counts as an accomplishment. I appreciate all those DrawSomething opponents who helped me keep my mind off of where I was and what decisions I knew I’d have to make. I spent quite a bit of that time talking to my mom, who after a day and a half (out of the five) never again responded to me. It was kind of like a lot of our times together…all a one-way conversation. There were no deep sighs, though, so there was no way to tell if she disapproved of what I said. She probably did, but I’ll never know. I figured if it was really bad, she’d let me know. About three days in, I started saying stuff that I’d always wanted to say…sometime just to see if I could get a response out of her. She was only able to wriggle her toes, or squeeze my hand, and that all stopped more than three days before she passed away. I begged her to wake up. I needed to know some things. Things I thought I’d always have time to ask her. Things I will never know. Some of these things are things I’ve always wanted to know. Some are new things. I’ve spent a good chunk of this year writing them out, and then trying to let those things go. It’s not working as well as I’d hoped, but it’s something I’ve got to learn do. I’ve got to move on, and not dwell on it. That’s one of the reasons I started this blog. I’m not as faithful at it as I’d like to be. As far as writing goes, I finished a couple things in 2012. Not big things, but things I’m proud of finishing. Things I’ve had to really work through, and force myself to write out. I can’t wait to get all this Christmas crap out of my house and back to the storage room in the basement where it belongs. It’s driving me crazy. I think it’s all getting taken down Wednesday. That should also bring the guest room back to order, since that’s where most of the mess of Christmas has been dumped. I hope that next year we can get some new decorations, and get rid of some of the old. Not the old cool stuff, but the old “this will do until we can afford to get something that doesn’t make me want to puke” kind of stuff. *fingers crossed* The largest watermelon ever grown was 262 pounds. I need to finish writing out all the things that went on surrounding my mom’s death. I need to remember all the stuff, and while I have quite a bit written down, I don’t have it all. I’m wondering if I can say things I want to write down into my voice memo app on my phone and then write it from there. Sometimes I get ideas while I’m driving or can’t have a notebook, and I need to get it out before it’s forgotten. It’s funny how when I was a teen, I’d go to a conference, or retreat, and I’d make some kind of glorious commitment and swear that I’d change my ways, and then I’d go home and get busy with the stuff of life, and I’d eventually forget all about it. It’s not funny “ha ha”, it’s funny “peculiar”. I thought it would change when I became an adult, but it seems that there’s more to get wrapped up in, and there’s more of the stuff than there was. I am praying and hoping with all my might that I don’t forget how moved I was Saturday night. How convicted I felt. I hope I don’t forget what I said, and thought, and felt, and promised. I keep coming back to these two things: my mom, and this past weekend. I miss my mom far more than I ever thought I would. I’ve spent so many Christmases without her, that it wasn’t totally different. There wasn’t an empty space at the table this year, because there has been an empty space at the table for lots of years. There was however no phone call. And no one really even mentioned her. The kids did say that it would be weird to not get anything from her this year. They didn’t mean it selfishly…just more as an observation. They’ve gotten (since birth) an ornament from her every year at Christmas, and one of them commented on how it would be weird to have last years’ ornament be the last one. Then we dug around, looking for that last one. I was so grateful that (a few years ago) I marked on each one “Grandma Jo” and the year. I started the tradition of getting each of them an ornament each year as well, so they did get something. And they will continue to get something…until I’m dead and gone, and Barry’s new trophy wife doesn’t know all the traditions, and ruins everything, all the time, forever. She’s going to be so out of the loop. I should leave her a note or something.

I apologize to you, my faithful reader, that I have missed two Friday’s in a row. This is not intended to make up for it, just let you know that you and this past year are on my mind today. There are lots of words, so it’s like there are two of them, and if that’s not enough…then just get over it. There will be another one on Friday. Probably (but no promises) less depressing than this one.

That is all.

No it’s not…

48 (since June 1, 2012)

Now that is all.

“Thank God It’s Friday” Brain Dump

I can’t believe it’s been a week since the last one. I’m terrible at writing every day. I’ve been so busy this past week, that I didn’t believe my phone when it said it was Friday. Today I made “Elf Yourself” videos instead of cleaning and baking. (I tried to post them in this BDF, but it wouldn’t work. You can view them on Facebook if we’re friends) Now that’s over, and I can’t think of anything fun to do, so I’m going to have to go clean and bake. We haven’t decorated the tree yet. All of our tree lights are at the church for the prayer walk I helped decorate, and the lights go one the tree first. I want to do a theme tree this year…just colors…and the kids will want their ornaments on the tree. I will very likely give in and give them the tree again. Next year maybe we’ll have two trees. This weekend is going to be the busiest weekend of them all. Four Christmas parties to go to, a Christmas program, another couple hours of hosting the prayer walk… I hadn’t planned on working much this month, and so, over the last couple of months, I committed to several other things. Personal things. Things that keep me in the loop with friends. Things that remind me that there’s a whole world out there…outside of work. Then I find myself getting pressure from on high to sell more, and now I’m so busy, I can’t find the time. I need to get at least one more show in this month. The sad part is, I’ve been enjoying this time away from it. I will be ready to get back to it when the time is right, but, for once, I’m really enjoying the holidays, and I don’t want to work. I’ll work later. This is the first Christmas I’ve really enjoyed in a long time. I have the time to do stuff I want to do, and I’m not too tired to do it. I really do love working for myself. I have to remember that no matter how much pressure there is from those above me, that I do work for myself. I work when I want to. I do what I want to. It’s my business. I am sad today about what happened in Connecticut. It throws me right back to the awful Tuesday when Jessup was in his first week of Kindergarten and the Twin Towers went down. I wanted more than anything to run to his school and grab him, hold him tight in my arms, and never let go. He was five years old, and so little. I cannot imagine what those parents are going through. Someone posted on Facebook today that this is why they homeschool. This? Really? A one in a bazillion chance that something like this could happen, and this is why you homeschool? There are far better reasons to homeschool, and if you’re keeping your kids out of school because you’re too afraid to let them go, then you need to re-evaluate. You’re going to raise fearful children. Mine are aware, not afraid. We don’t homeschool because, for many reasons, it wasn’t right for us. There are things I would definitely change about the education system, even in small-town Iowa, but over-all it’s a decent education. We fill in the gaps as needed. We did homeschool for a while. It was very necessary for a time, and then it became very clear that it was time to stop. Both kids are better for it. So am I, for that matter. I started writing this around 10am, and found myself glued to the TV for far too long watching the news. I just kept getting sadder, so I finally stopped. I printed return address labels for Christmas cards instead. I also printed some gift tags. It’s now 3pm (I have done other stuff, too, not just print labels for 5 hours), and I still have to go clean and bake. I think I’m going to make my Daddy’s Christmas bread this year. Not today, but soon. I finally have my beautiful mixer…and I think it’s time to put it to the test. That is all.

 

Brain Dump Friday

I really don’t know what to say. I get to learn how to make a pie (the “perfect apple pie”) on Saturday. The funny thing is…I don’t much care for pie, and I don’t like apples. But Barry is very, very excited about me learning how to do this. I don’t even know where my rolling pin is. I had one. In all of our moves over the years, I fear it has gotten lost or been given away because I never thought I’d need it. Hmmm…maybe there are some things you should just keep. I’ve become one of those people who doesn’t snack. I have worked really hard to not mindlessly eat. Today, however, I’m on a time crunch, and I’ve been nibbling on caramel puff corn for an hour or so. This is not good. The caramel puff corn is very good, but the habit is not good. The habit is clearly not as broken as I thought it was. I’m still thinking about pie. I have a brand new Pampered Chef Stoneware Pie Plate for learning how to make a pie. And our new Pastry Blender. I finally get to use them tomorrow. I’m irritated that the Post Office won’t be open Monday. I have to mail something today (the time crunch) and if I don’t do it today, it won’t be delivered in time. I’m debating on whether or not to just wait. I may just mail out the few that I have, and wait on the rest. I am literally in the middle of four different things right now, and I stopped them all to write this. And I can’t think of anything to say. QUESTION: Is it “all of the sudden” or “all of a sudden”? I have not always wondered this. I saw it one way, and I think it’s the other way, but I’m not sure. Well, I’m sure I’m right in my own head, but I’m not sure that I’m right publicly. With that in mind, I’m not going to tell you which I think it is, I’m just going to throw that question out there. I always think it’s funny when people use words that aren’t words to talk. I wonder if it makes them feel smarter, seem more important, or if they actually think that’s a word. It’s a struggle for me not to giggle when they do it in front of me, so I’m thrilled when they do it on the internet…that way I can laugh and it’s not mean. It’s not mean. It’s not. Shut up. How much do people talk about work? I’m wondering if I do it an abnormal amount. I feel like I’m always saying something about it, and I’m not trying to, it’s just the main focus of my day. Isn’t it the main focus of other people’s days? Do other people talk about work a lot and I just don’t notice? Maybe people don’t notice when I talk about work. I feel like they do. I worry about weird things. I was going to try that writing thing for November…the NaNoWriMo. Then I looked into it. 50,000 words in 30 days means approximately 1,666.66667 words per day. That right there spooked me. I don’t like all those 6’s. Especially when they’re together like that. So I got over that and realized the today is the 9th. That means I only have 22 days, including today, for a total of 2,272.72727 words per day. I also read in the rules (yes, I’m a rule reader-that should not shock you) that you can’t use work you’ve already written. Here’s where I get whiney… But I already have over 6,000 words…waaaaaah…that means that I could just write 1,993.90909 words per day (Seriously…does nothing go into 50,000 evenly???) and I’d be done in time…waaaaaaaah. Two more bits of fun…I don’t have another idea for a book, and I don’t have that much time. Also, once I get started writing, it’s really hard for me to stop. There’s a reason why some writers go to a secluded cabin to write and have no human contact. Getting myself to a cabin would be challenging. I don’t have one of my own (it would be SO cool of I did), and even if I could borrow one or rent one, I can’t because I have a strange fear of being murdered in the woods, and I spook easily. Did you not notice that with my thing about 6’s? If I can hardly look at the number six in my office, how on earth would I go to a cabin alone? But, if I could get over my fear, once I got there, I could totally do it. If I only had a computer, and no internet. If I had internet, I’d be in big trouble. Because there’s Facebook. And Pinterest. And other things I can’t think of right now. Like a phone. I’d need one to call 911 when someone tries to murder me in the woods. What if 911 doesn’t work out there? What if there’s no internet? I mean there couldn’t be for my computer, but what about my phone? How long could I live without Draw Something? Words with Friends? SongPop? That logo game I recently downloaded that I’m determined not to cheat on, but am stuck with logos I don’t know?  Anyway, I’m still undecided. It’s a little late to be undecided, but I still am. I really don’t see how I could do it, unless I used what I already have. Sorry this was boring. More sorry that I started another sentence with “but”. Two of them. And one or two with “and”. Plus that one. I do know better. I promise. Oh well. That is all.

Brain Dump Friday

Today is Red Green Day at both the high school and middle school here in town. No, NOT the guy on PBS (I made that mistake, too-not really). Today is the day on which everyone is supposed to wear red and green. Is it because Christmas is coming? NO. Is it because of Boone Iowa’s rich, Spanish heritage? NO. (shocking) It’s because, at some point in our history, someone decided that those two colors should be the school colors. It really serves a dual-purpose…You can have lots of school spirit, and you can wear your school stuff to Christmas parties and you fit right in! Also…we are the Toreadors. Again…not sure why. Though I am leaning closer to the rich, Spanish heritage thing… I wonder what the official school dance is? Salsa? Maybe that’s the official condiment. Tango? Speaking of tango…the Pampered Chef “hot” color for the season is called Tangerine Tango, and it’s really pretty. I would have called it Coral – something – but I’m not a marketing genius… I can’t think of a dance that starts with “C”. I go to my acting gig job again next week. I’m so excited! I love that job. I had three cups of coffee at the bakery this morning and I’m actually shaking. That’s probably not a good thing. I hope it stops before…well, there’s not really a time today when I can’t be a little shaky, but I hope it stops soon. My fingers are going too fast, and I keep having to correct errors in this post. There’s a person for everyone – sometimes that person is five cats. I wish I could take pictures with my eyeballs. I see so many wonderful and beautiful things, and I can’t seem to capture them just like I see them. Of course, that would make me some sort of cyborg, but that would be one of my suggestions if I could ask God to change something about me. Camera in my eyeballs. Awesome. I would probably need a USB port. That would be a weird thing to have to explain. And then there’s the whole “I can’t get up from my computer right now because I’m charging” thing. Weird. What’s wrong with my brain? My office smells like bacon. I ate bacon flavored popcorn yesterday, and while it was not as impressive as I had hoped it would be (including a weird “filmy” feeling in my mouth), it was edible, and I ate it. Now the empty bag is in my office garbage and so my office smells like bacon. I wonder how long that will last? How long is too long to leave it in there? hmmm… I want to find a shirt that reads “I’m not responsible for grammatical errors before 8am”. Of course, then I would want there to be some gross grammatical error on the shirt, but I can’t think of one that would be funny. Maybe I should try designing the shirt before 8am. OH! Cha-Cha! That’s a dance that starts with “C”. Coral Cha-Cha doesn’t roll off your tongue like Tangerine Tango. Again…NOT a marketing genius. Would it hurt to walk around with bare feet if you lived in a house made of legos? I was just wondering… I think it would be kind of like the whole “bed of nails” thing. It hurts to sit on one nail. but I’ve sat on a chair made of nails before, and that didn’t hurt. Something about science and distribution. Have you ever had one of those moments that you just want to grab hold of and never let go? Someone says something or does something that just melts your heart, and you wish you had it on video and could replay it over and over again? I had one of those moments with Ainsley last Tuesday night. My daughter is just the sweetest girl, and she makes me grateful to be alive more often that I can say. My relationship with her is so, SO different than my relationship was with my mom, and I’m so thankful and blessed. Both of my kids are just the greatest gifts from God. If I were a cyborg, I probably wouldn’t have kids. That would be a devastation beyond what I can bear. I don’t want to be a cyborg. That is all.

Brain Dump Friday

THIS is the blog post that people read. The nonsense. The one that has no purpose, except that every time I think about stopping, someone says how much they love it, and I am compelled to keep it going.

Once again I neglected to jot down the little things I think about throughout the week for this. I have recipe card sitting on my desk for a PC Show at the end of this month and I’m dying to try the recipe. My son has a date to the Homecoming Dance, and I’m so excited for him. I adore the girl he’s asked. I’ve known her since they were in the third grade. She’s a smart, beautiful, strong young woman. McDonald’s has really yummy iced tea. I forgot about that. I have a gnome sitting on my desk. And two owls. (They aren’t speaking to each other right now. Apparently there was an issue with a pointy hat.) My desk has too much paperwork. I tried to get it organized, and I feel like I did very little tossing/shredding, and a lot of shuffling. I don’t like the glossy page protectors because they have such a bad glare, but I can’t use the matte page protectors because they stick together. I need them to slide and have little/no glare. I think, once again, I want the impossible. C’mon Staples…fix my problem! There’s so much thunder outside right now that it sounds like they are bowling in heaven. I used to over-think things when I was a kid, too. I would think the weirdest things. Someday I will have to write a blog post about the things I thought when I was younger. You will probably feel bad for my parents. I am trying out Scentsy for the first time. I can’t wait to get my warmer and my Mochadoodle scent. I want my whole office to smell like a bakery. I love trees. I love to draw them, and look at them, but I hate climbing them. Weird. I think it’s because I also hate falling out of them. Everyone should have a Smash* book. I worked in mine today. If you don’t know what it is, ask me. I will tell you all about how I will never scrapbook again. I am a perfectionist, and this Smash* book is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me…except for 80’s GLAM Sharpies. Who doesn’t love Leg-warmer Orange, Banana Clip Yellow, and Valley Girl Violet? Am I right? I now have a small notebook for notes and lists. And yet, no list for BDF…hmm. #BDFfail??? I think so. I have a script to memorize for a job I’m doing sporadically throughout the Fall. It’s the closest thing I’ll ever get to a paid acting gig. (I should call it that) I love pretending. I have to pretend to like (even love) dogs. I’ve been told I’m very convincing. The instructor even said I did a really good job. The scentsy warmer has a tree on it…that’s how I went from bakery to trees. If you were wondering… You probably weren’t. I cannot wait for Parenthood to come back on the TV. That is my hour. My snuggle on the couch and do nothing else but be with Barry time. I have really missed it. Someone told me I should write a column of some sort with this nonsense in it. I’ll tell you what…If you can find some newspaper, local magazine, or someone who’d even give me the time of day and a chance, I’d write whatever they wanted. As long as it is this. This is light and fun. This involves only my over-active brain. No feelings or emotions here, and I’m good with that. So, if someone wants it, I will write. Until then, it’s all for you. And you. And that guy over there in the corner who will swear later that he was never here. I saw you. ;) That is all. #BrainDumpFriday (Thumbs up to everyone who likes this on Facebook after they’ve read it here. I’m really curious how many of you there are. I think there are about five to seven of you. Prove me wrong…or right.)